I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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