remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Randomize