literally had 100 drinks last night.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
