WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
