i barfeds in our rink
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
