why didn't you poke me back
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
