I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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