She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I had to cum in my sink.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
