ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
