It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
