Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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