I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
