I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
