i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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