just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
