do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
