Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i think i just lost a toe
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
