I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
should my penis look like a turkey
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
