You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
