she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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