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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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