Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
