i jhust puked up my retainher.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
where am i from again
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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