Umm I'm too high to move.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
