Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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