I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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