he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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