I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
