I wanna bring you to show and tell
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
