i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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