I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
