my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
