Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
did i just pee glitter
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