you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
