Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
