You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
