she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
