You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
