I need help removing her.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
