I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
