we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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