Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
