i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
