he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
