I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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