I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
smell my finger.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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