Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize