She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
false alarm, still single
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
