I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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