Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize