I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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