Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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