why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Is it because I queefed?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
