but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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