Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
