So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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