just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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