he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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