you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
being pregnant is like rehab
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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