I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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