im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
