Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
