I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
