Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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