My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
