I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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