what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
