i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
