thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
