I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
