It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So many bounce houses so little time
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
