So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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