i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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