all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
