1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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