are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
