I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
