Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What a dumb baby whore.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
