I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
