There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize