Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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