I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
