don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
