why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
