She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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