I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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