i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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