Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
