I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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