I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
