and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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