Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
