lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
