do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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