First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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