so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
