This dress was meant to end up on your floor
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
