why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize