Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
