I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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