So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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