You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
