I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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