If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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