why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
